: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pants are for mortals
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
