I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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