I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
