I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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