yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Help. Why am I so naked?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
