she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize