i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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