No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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