I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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