It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
