I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
