we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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