Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
