Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
