Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
