i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
