I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
