Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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