did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
