There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
