i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
