Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
