I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
