So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
