So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
