found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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