you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
