I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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