It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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