you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
