If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
