ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
