just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
