I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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