i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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