What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
