Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
