So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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