Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize