I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
