Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
