I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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