oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
