WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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