And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
