Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
