Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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