Welp...herpes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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