oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
