I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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