dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize