Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
