I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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