I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think a kid would responsible me up
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
