bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
