Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
