Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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