I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
