Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
