we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
