Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize