my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
