You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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