is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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