she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
